woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
