That's when you crack a 10am beer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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