I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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