the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so let's talk penis.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
