Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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