why didn't you poke me back
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
