my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
