girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
