I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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