walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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