I am puke
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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