I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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