listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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