I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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