I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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