So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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