Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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