Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
