...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
