Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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