I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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