my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
