This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
