just come out here and I will go home with you...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
