You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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