I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
