No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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