his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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