You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
