I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
