I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
