note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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