clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
