dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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