you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
