those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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