I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
