you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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