I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
