I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
