forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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