My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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