Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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