After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MIDGETS
????
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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