Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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