I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
