My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
