I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
