If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
