come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pooping to opera.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
