Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
