this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am one with the molecules
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
