i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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