I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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