I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
