Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
