At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
