i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
