She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
