I feel great
I just peed on a car
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
