His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
