its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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