dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
